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Once upon a time, there was a dashing young prince known throughout the kingdom of Midgar as Growly McSuck...
He was very happy.
"Fuck you."
Or rather, very unhappy. This prince, you see - whom we will call Seph for brevity's sake - was a man of two loves: one being the Lord Lazard, and the other being the Alchemist Zexion. While both of his boytoys were equally content to share in a life together with Seph, only Lazard had yet made Seph's brick palace his home. This would not do for royalty so demanding, and it came to pass on the second day of their accord that Seph wouldwalk two blocks travel far to the alchemist's humble home to inquire what was holding up the works.
"SURPRISE! Didja find a buyer yet?"
"I've got people waiting to close on the house downstairs, goddamn it! Get off of me!"
There was tender embracing as Zexion expressed his deepest affection for his berothed. But Zexion spoke the truth, and lugging many a heavy box of books down the street, did the two make their way home to become three.
Truly now, was life complete for the prince. Well, except for that "Get Married to Zexion" want that had been locked in his panel for a week. That was getting bothersome.
The alchemist's arrival did bring many changes to the brick palace - most notable were the sudden appearance of actual walls and chairs that weren't taped together. The prince, used to having his way, took the changes in stride and made the alterations his own by throwing a multitude of pillows scavenged from the far reaches of Sector 7 everywhere in sight.
Seph would not give up his nest so easily. With the looming possibility of heirs, however - as well as Lazard's occasional complaint of being poked by straw - he felt he might soon have to reach a compromise.
Upon the next day, not long after Seph had returned from a daily patrol with his military, Lazard from overseeing the kindgom's fiscal health, and Zexion from passing on whatever town gossip at his disposal, Seph's father Vincent stopped by to catch up with his only (direct) son.
The sounds of pre-marital intercourse eminating from the shower at that moment fortunately did not travel through the door.
Greeting him was wise, for Vincent had brought an offering with him.
"What the hell is this?"
Seph was deeply impressed.
"Get under it and find out."
Something in the way his father chuckled beneath his breath made the prince suspicious.
As though by magic, those who passed beneath the arch found themselves in the snazzier threads of a special occasion.
Night fell with surprising swiftness, and the narrator did headdesk at neither paying attention to the clock nor thinking to add lights by the damn arch.
"Hey, who the hell is this?"
Despite the winter's chill, even a random citizen invited herself in to witness the beauty of two sides of a love triangle coming together in polygamy.
"I was told there'd be booze...?"
"What?! We've never even seen you before!"
"Now what? The friggin' Lifestream?"
Vincent seemed as perplexed as the narrator over why the circle of the terrain painter chose NOW of all times to glitch.
But there was still a ceremony to be performed, and a show to go on!
"Life is fuckin' awesome!"
"Come on - this guy's got to have booze."
With the second ring on his finger, now the prince could live in contentment. The weight of doubts lifted from his chest, as if a lock had popped and had added eight thousand points to his strength.
Under the eyes of adoring witnesses did the bloodline of the Deusericus clan begin.
"No booze? This party sucks."
"Well, no booze for you, at any rate..."
Attending to his new husbands' needs, the alchemist whipped up a meal of chicken chow mein.
"I put tomatoes in the fridge - why does the chicken sparkle?"
"You used a materia fertilizer, didn't you?"
"Oh, shit, I did."
"As long as the plants don't start barking at me, I think it's good."
Watching the scene unfold, the narrator sighs. Partly from being charmed, and partly from dread of a complete family reunion. Is it even possible to get ten sim on one residential lot at the same time? No man can say.
"So, when does the coupling commence?"
"That does it, boys. I'm going home."
Having known the prince and held his heart the longest - and as Lazard had gotten the privilege of two days alone with Seph - the alchemist was the first to be taken to the new, totally not-straw nest.
Zexion, too, had gotten his wish - that all of Midgar would now know the silvery prince bearing the golden ring was now private property, and any whom might have the balls to hit on the prince henceforth would find themselves smited most terribly.
"I guess there's not point in trying to claim I've never done this before..."
"Just lie back and think of the England That Never Was."
"Did... did you hear something, Seph?"
"Hmm? Like what?"
"Like a lullaby, just now. A rather sinister lullaby."
Coyly, the prince masked the lock on his unspeakble "Have a Baby" desire. Truly, the Family sim prince longed to bear the offspring of his partners, but did he dare hope that he was now the vessel of the alchemist's child, and the first heir of the Deusericus name so soon?
As each drifted off to sleep, fate decided to be a real prick.
Yes, the fates had chosen the wedding night of the narrator's favorite goddamn sims to send the first burglar seen in all of Simtopia for months.
(I think her name's Nicole Townshend, but it doesn't matter. I know it's spelled d-e-a-d-m-e-a-t.)
Yea verily, could someone perchance inform the narrator as to why the burglar alarm right by the door she entered through is NOT RINGING?
"What the shit?"
Such a start was this intrusion that the alchemist appeared to fall out of the bed.
It appeared that the thief who has now signed her own death warrent with the Plant of Cow had taken nothing but the violin that no one in the house has ever touched.
Such was not the case. She had also taken 2,500 points from Lazard, who as a sim of Wealth, had the fear of being burglarized.
But the prince, being the attentive spouse he is, knew how to sooth his lover's distress.
"She's in our address books now, even if we all hate her. She can be summoned to the lot, and we have an overlord who's not afraid to use the Death Creator."
"That's cold, Seph. I feel better already."
"Eh, the perks of being the favorites. Now, come to bed. I can make you feel better, still."
"Damn, I love you, Seph. Hey... I've never seen you glow like that before..."
"...what?"
He was very happy.
"Fuck you."
Or rather, very unhappy. This prince, you see - whom we will call Seph for brevity's sake - was a man of two loves: one being the Lord Lazard, and the other being the Alchemist Zexion. While both of his boytoys were equally content to share in a life together with Seph, only Lazard had yet made Seph's brick palace his home. This would not do for royalty so demanding, and it came to pass on the second day of their accord that Seph would
"SURPRISE! Didja find a buyer yet?"
"I've got people waiting to close on the house downstairs, goddamn it! Get off of me!"
There was tender embracing as Zexion expressed his deepest affection for his berothed. But Zexion spoke the truth, and lugging many a heavy box of books down the street, did the two make their way home to become three.
Truly now, was life complete for the prince. Well, except for that "Get Married to Zexion" want that had been locked in his panel for a week. That was getting bothersome.
The alchemist's arrival did bring many changes to the brick palace - most notable were the sudden appearance of actual walls and chairs that weren't taped together. The prince, used to having his way, took the changes in stride and made the alterations his own by throwing a multitude of pillows scavenged from the far reaches of Sector 7 everywhere in sight.
Seph would not give up his nest so easily. With the looming possibility of heirs, however - as well as Lazard's occasional complaint of being poked by straw - he felt he might soon have to reach a compromise.
Upon the next day, not long after Seph had returned from a daily patrol with his military, Lazard from overseeing the kindgom's fiscal health, and Zexion from passing on whatever town gossip at his disposal, Seph's father Vincent stopped by to catch up with his only (direct) son.
The sounds of pre-marital intercourse eminating from the shower at that moment fortunately did not travel through the door.
Greeting him was wise, for Vincent had brought an offering with him.
"What the hell is this?"
Seph was deeply impressed.
"Get under it and find out."
Something in the way his father chuckled beneath his breath made the prince suspicious.
As though by magic, those who passed beneath the arch found themselves in the snazzier threads of a special occasion.
Night fell with surprising swiftness, and the narrator did headdesk at neither paying attention to the clock nor thinking to add lights by the damn arch.
"Hey, who the hell is this?"
Despite the winter's chill, even a random citizen invited herself in to witness the beauty of two sides of a love triangle coming together in polygamy.
"I was told there'd be booze...?"
"What?! We've never even seen you before!"
"Now what? The friggin' Lifestream?"
Vincent seemed as perplexed as the narrator over why the circle of the terrain painter chose NOW of all times to glitch.
But there was still a ceremony to be performed, and a show to go on!
"Life is fuckin' awesome!"
"Come on - this guy's got to have booze."
With the second ring on his finger, now the prince could live in contentment. The weight of doubts lifted from his chest, as if a lock had popped and had added eight thousand points to his strength.
Under the eyes of adoring witnesses did the bloodline of the Deusericus clan begin.
"No booze? This party sucks."
"Well, no booze for you, at any rate..."
Attending to his new husbands' needs, the alchemist whipped up a meal of chicken chow mein.
"I put tomatoes in the fridge - why does the chicken sparkle?"
"You used a materia fertilizer, didn't you?"
"Oh, shit, I did."
"As long as the plants don't start barking at me, I think it's good."
Watching the scene unfold, the narrator sighs. Partly from being charmed, and partly from dread of a complete family reunion. Is it even possible to get ten sim on one residential lot at the same time? No man can say.
"So, when does the coupling commence?"
"That does it, boys. I'm going home."
Having known the prince and held his heart the longest - and as Lazard had gotten the privilege of two days alone with Seph - the alchemist was the first to be taken to the new, totally not-straw nest.
Zexion, too, had gotten his wish - that all of Midgar would now know the silvery prince bearing the golden ring was now private property, and any whom might have the balls to hit on the prince henceforth would find themselves smited most terribly.
"I guess there's not point in trying to claim I've never done this before..."
"Just lie back and think of the England That Never Was."
"Did... did you hear something, Seph?"
"Hmm? Like what?"
"Like a lullaby, just now. A rather sinister lullaby."
Coyly, the prince masked the lock on his unspeakble "Have a Baby" desire. Truly, the Family sim prince longed to bear the offspring of his partners, but did he dare hope that he was now the vessel of the alchemist's child, and the first heir of the Deusericus name so soon?
As each drifted off to sleep, fate decided to be a real prick.
Yes, the fates had chosen the wedding night of the narrator's favorite goddamn sims to send the first burglar seen in all of Simtopia for months.
(I think her name's Nicole Townshend, but it doesn't matter. I know it's spelled d-e-a-d-m-e-a-t.)
Yea verily, could someone perchance inform the narrator as to why the burglar alarm right by the door she entered through is NOT RINGING?
"What the shit?"
Such a start was this intrusion that the alchemist appeared to fall out of the bed.
It appeared that the thief who has now signed her own death warrent with the Plant of Cow had taken nothing but the violin that no one in the house has ever touched.
Such was not the case. She had also taken 2,500 points from Lazard, who as a sim of Wealth, had the fear of being burglarized.
But the prince, being the attentive spouse he is, knew how to sooth his lover's distress.
"She's in our address books now, even if we all hate her. She can be summoned to the lot, and we have an overlord who's not afraid to use the Death Creator."
"That's cold, Seph. I feel better already."
"Eh, the perks of being the favorites. Now, come to bed. I can make you feel better, still."
"Damn, I love you, Seph. Hey... I've never seen you glow like that before..."
"...what?"
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